Whether you’re someone who admires the towering beauty of mountains from afar or up close, there’s no denying how fascinating they are. From the unpredictable wilderness to the unmerciful weather, there are so many ways that conquering mountains can help shape you as a person.
When you decide to hike the world’s largest mountain caldera, you have to be ready for anything; mountains are full of surprises. But don’t let that fool you; if you are contemplating the hike, it can dip to near-freezing on a sunny day on top of the blinding fog.
This mid-year hike to conquer the highest peak of the world’s largest mountain caldera (Wagagai 4321m ASL) was anticipated like any other. The initial plan had been to escort our colleagues who were intending to use it to ready their bodies for more challenging Margarita in a few weeks. It is the altitude, endurance, and confidence we are talking about here.
As the Uganda Wildlife Authority (UWA) guides were taking us through the route to Wagagai, the back-benchers, as usual, didn’t pay much attention, confident that the 10 km they run in Kampala would save their legs and knees. They (the guides) made so much fun of it all that many of us, mbu “champions of mountains,” may have missed an important take-away, the “Wall of Death.”
Of course, the gods were ready to receive our sweat, tears, puke, and all the other human waste we could gather when it all started. We climbed the fabled wall of death as simply as reciting our ABCs… wait, hold on, I will tell you how it ended.
Put my body on a fitness plan of running every other day and see how the first two climbs confirmed that I had homework on my workouts to do. The rate at which I wanted a refund and buy a Jeep Wrangler for retirement was faster than 1’57.
Fun Fact:
Mount Elgon is a volcano but has not erupted for a very long time (three million years or so) and is regarded as extinct. It’s a solitary mountain with gentle and long slopes, intercepted by steep cliffs and rivers.
Its caldera happens to be one of the biggest in the world, stretching for almost eight kilometres. Most of the peaks are on the rim of the caldera. Wagagai is the highest spot at 4321 meters and lies within Uganda.
To protect the park and its habitat, the area was gazetted as a national park by the Uganda government. The park is managed by the Uganda Wildlife Authority (UWA). The Uganda-Kenya border runs across the mountain (check it out), and both countries have created a national park with a view to conservation.
“A braggart young man thought the mountain experience would help him throw solid vibes at a belle with his pro camera wrapped around his chest. The rest of us cheered him on, excited that finally our trek would be professionally documented every step of the way (tulina okufunamu mu bintu bino). The ‘profession’ went all of two hills out of a thousand before he (n’akantu ke) became a sweeper (team sloth), appearing 10 hours later. “Loosi justi”
As we approached Sasa River Camp, a heavy downpour gave us a run for our poncho money. As we were told, it rains unexpectedly on Mount Elgon; hence you need to be prepared, and beyond that, do not let rainmakers eat your money. But heyhoo! Come rain, come sun, we had to reach Mude camp before dark.
Porters, porters, porters—they deserve a standing ovation; in fact, they deserve to be recognized as national treasures to us. As we were stuck with just our water, guys ran uphill with our essentials and down the mountain as if a walk in the park.
Never, ever, I repeat, never, ever ask a local for the distance remaining to cover. Guys legit told us, “You only have to climb only 3 hills, and you will be at the camp.” Whoa, that statement ended in unsolicited tears. We climbed 15 hills to Mude Cave camp; the hut could disappear and reappear.
At Mude cave Camp, temperatures go below freezing point, and that’s when you have to get ready for a cold and freezing night Prepared or not, the night frost pierces right through to the bone.
As Bruce Lee once said, “Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.” At base camp, this gentleman had shown off his solution to the cold night we had ahead of us, a full woolen blanket and noise for our pillow mbisi gangoz…guess what? He woke up the bitterest person that his cold curb was wet by midnight, hehehe.
The pillow mbisi crew was crying with him as he didn’t expect his wisdom to turn out into foolery. In all honesty, the coldness at Mude Cave Camp was sent straight from our ancestors, who are against our adventurous lives. As one cute dude said, empewo eluma eno baba (This coldness bites).
Just 5 steps from the fire, and boom, you are as cold as frozen yoghurt. There are wise people who opted to camp in the kitchen, a wise thing but not for the smoke.
As for some other wise guys who carried the biggest tent (Muyenga) and even collected rent from us who just desired to fart in there, some investor bought that piece of real estate for all of zero dollars. The original owners sought warm refuge in trekker huts, almost too small to accommodate them all but hey, who was taking pictures…
Then, there was the mysterious case of abandoned beer. This is Uganda bana, an abomination. On the way from the summit, some wise guy excited his compatriots with the idea of importing beer from the camp, a whole 13 km of climbs and descents. Of course, it had been a long day, and everyone had earned their drink.
A porter was sent downhill to buy beer. Dinner was served, stories were told, and even the drizzles came for the party, but beer ‘myee.’ Still, the 6 brave and thirsty men persevered in waiting for their (mwe beer companies mumpe ez’obulango- mulaba lockdown ekalubye).
By the time it arrived at midnight, our gang of six had long given up and was in their tents or whatever it is that kept them warm. Gwanga mujje was sounded for beer, but waaaa… their response? Bambi tuleke twebike, oyo mumwenywere (please excuse us; you may have it). At this point, I would like to apologize to other Ugandans for the behavior of these six. It shall not happen again, but we need to bring them to the counsel of brewers.
A serious, hardworking gentleman has a speed climber for a hero and admires him so much. As we were summiting, this wonderful gentleman got to the peak earlier than everyone, and he felt the V-power kind of engine was ignited. He reached Mude camp and ignited to reach the base camp the same day.
We all knew this man’s energy couldn’t enable him to reach his destination, but we believed in his grit and endurance levels. As he tested his creator, a Good Samaritan found him half dead on the trail and decided to carry him on his back to the base camp.
As our own strongest man in the universe found comfort in the human mule, he started weeping and cursed why he attempted things beyond him. As he called on his mother for the rescue, the mountain had to come off strong and prove it’s made from Mother Nature.
As we descended further, the mule, who was happy to see his cargo in sobriety, found delight in telling the story, complete with the moaning, the weeping, and the massage in a bathtub.
When climbing up, the focus is on one thing: getting to that next hold. It is a very in-the-moment activity. You don’t think of falling. But on descent, one imagines many things.
The wall of death, as it sounds, was and is still a near-death experience, bringing nothing but thrills, excitement, and fear; your heart beats in your ears, aching knees and muscles. This wall is considered utter torture to humanity.
What you gain on your way down, on every painful step, lowering yourself down slowly and gingerly, is clarity. You start to understand the mountain. You’re no longer looking up at the summit but retracing your steps with greater care and attention than you gave them on your way up.
Confessions from my teammates
Lamech Muluya; The truth remains…Elgon is beautiful.
No one will ever understand the wall death unless you climb and descend it…mean while the whole wall…When it’s slippery, more over. Owulira nga amaviivi gagenda kutukamu
I got some weird thought upon realising that the place was getting too slippery… I almost faked epilepsy so that AAR chopper picks me… banange nga nfa obulumi….
SK: The Isaac of the group walked himself to a brutal end (Goat we had for mchomo)
I trekked alone for a while in that forest and kept imagining that a wild cat would come from nowhere & swallow me up!
Baroness: Naye, the funniest comment was during that “silencer” trek up when someone commented on the different type of leaves on the Irish potato plants in the community gardens. I was in shock ffe tubadde mu struggle.
Approved by God! 